Bush Doctor in the City. Vol 23
Bush Doctor in the City. Vol 23
The Bush nurse appeared pensive all evening. The Bush Doctor could hold back no longer.
‘Come out with it then, I know there is something on your mind’ he said.
‘Who told you?’ she replied.
Silence. They sat side by side on a wooden bench in front of the Bush Doctor’s quarters staring into the night.
‘What would you say if I told you I was entering a beauty contest?’ asked the nurse. The Bush Doctor burst out laughing. He laughed so hard he fell off the bench and rolled on the ground. There were tears in his eyes. When he had regained composure he dusted himself and resumed his previous sitting position. He then noticed the silence.
‘Have you finished?’ she asked in a barely audible whisper.
She started to sob.
‘I thought you were joking’ mumbled the Bush Doctor.
‘Why must it be a joke?’
‘How could you, a professional, parade your self in your underwear on stage? What will the patients think?’ asked the Bush Doctor putting his arm round her.
She then went on to explain that there was a beauty pageant to be staged in the city to raise funds for a charity catering to the needs of Albino children and that this beauty contest will feature only albino women.
‘But you are not really contesting are you?’ asked the Bush Doctor.
It wasn’t long before they were in the middle of a full blown row. The Bush Doctor said he would not be attending her beauty contest and the Bush nurse accused him of being ashamed to associate with her in public.
‘Stupid man, so long as your city friends don’t see you, you are willing to eat Albino pie every night. You should be ashamed you two faced hypocrite!’ she shouted at him.
‘Yes, shout so that all the patients can hear. It is you who should be ashamed with your plans to expose yourself to leering vultures’ the Bush Doctor shouted bad.
‘And who is talking about vultures at this time of night?’ came a voice out of the darkness to startled them.
It was the witch Doctor. They all had a drink of palm wine in silence listening to the creatures of the night.
‘I am thinking of relocating to England with my third wife’ the witch Doctor blurted out.
‘Why?’ asked the Bush Doctor.
‘Two of my foreign based footballers want me there. You see, I have given them charms for goal scoring and beating the off side trap yet they are not satisfied. They want me there in the stadium when they play. See my trouble’ said the Witch Doctor.
‘So you will be contributing to the Brain drain’ teased the Bush Doctor.
‘Shouldn’t a job require brains to qualify for that term?’ mocked the Bush nurse. She got up to leave expecting sparks to fly from the witch Doctor.
The witch Doctor was amused. ‘You have a point. I work with the ancestral spirits’ he said.
‘I rephrase then. Ancestral spirit drain ’ said the Bush Doctor.
The Witch Doctor then went on to explain that the demand for his services in Europe has sky rocketed and he was even planning to launch a web site to sell his new powerful charm for scoring headers. He begged them not to let his first wife hear of this as he planned to inform everyone of his ‘ancestral drain’ when he had settled in London in three weeks time. The Bush Doctor felt very bitter about this. Long into the night he complained to the Bush nurse.
‘He is an illiterate and he earns my monthly pay in a day. Why did I bother with medical school then? Such injustice. This country! Our people reward quacks. What do I have to show for all my labour?’
The Bush Doctor stopped talking when he heard the Bush Nurse’s gentle snoring.
Bush Doctor in the City
Wonders will never end and that is what keeps this job interesting.
Was called out to visit a gentleman in his sixties with diarrhoea and vomiting. Rather than come to the surgery he jumped in a taxi and appeared at the doorstep of his sister in law to be cared for. She however is a widow and is barely coming to terms with the recent death of her husband. She was in no mood to look after anyone.
On getting there I find out that the gentleman keeps his fridge off most of the time to save on the electric bill.
His food then goes off and he eats it, thus saving money on the grocery bill. He also has no landline or mobile phone (yes, saving money) but smokes.
Some aspects of my job can be done without a medical degree.
I examined the gentleman to make sure a perforated Sigmoid Diverticulum was not masquerading as a Gastroenteritis and gave him some tablets.
I told him off for stinginess and advised he left the poor fridge on and saved money by stopping smoking instead!
At the door I advised the owner of the home not to open her door next time he eats his poison.